Monday, July 2, 2012

A New Sensation

I think finding your resolve is important in life. Though I've strayed a tad, I occasionally come upon instances where I'm reminded that my resolve is what keeps me on the path to what I consider righteousness.  The following was written by my dear friend, Master Samuel Nobilucci:
"The path of a Warrior is a lonely one; anyone who has dedicated their lives to the betterment of themselves, the protection of others, and the endless battle with those things which would stand in the way of these will realize, fairly quickly, that when the world needs people like them, ties must be loosely bound. Families, friends, loved ones, they all seem to be constantly neglected by those who practice the Warrior ways. The deeper you go...the more you lose. I have lost many to the life I was destined for. This is my job, this is my art, this is my life. We have seen things most people can't imagine...We have done the impossible...Yet, we lack the finer things in life. We are cold because we have become accustomed to loss, we are harsh because we have seen what the world is - and not how we wish it to be, we are distant because we cannot be obligated to only one, we are secretive and mysterious because we want to protect. Although we travel this world alone, never finding true happiness in the sense of belonging, we will know when it's time to pass our titles on to another generation that because we lived, the world is a better place!Do not walk the path searching for what you may desire, instead, use what you have to help others along their way, and when the time is right, Peace will find you."

 I didn't think that was my life anymore.  I had hoped for the life of what most would consider 'normal' in the societal sense, but when it comes down to the emotions I feel now, I know better. The situation I now find myself in is a new one.  A painful one, but life is pain, Princess. I discovered what the people have been talking about all these years.  I've been through a lot of things that drove me crazy or have made me weep, yet nothing compares to this odd tightness in my chest. I honestly thought I was going to have to call the squad today at work--I had never before now experienced what everyone else in the world apparently had.  I was informed by my friend John tonight that THIS is what everyone calls heartbreak.  And I'll be damned, I've been too harsh a judge all these years--all those people I thought were feigning some phantom pain were actually feeling what I am now.  Flutters coupled with tightness.  An empty feeling.  Strange to say the least, and a sensation I do not enjoy, and will not allow to occur again.  This is unacceptable.

Even now, I find myself fighting the instinctual lashing out and vengeance that is all too human and all too easy to let slip. But my resolve holds my tongue, and stills my hand.  There is honor in that, and ultimately isn't that what matters? Some days I wonder.  Some days I resent those that don't have to abide by this sort of resolution, but this feels correct to me even as it makes me sad sometimes. 

I think the worst of it is the inability to hold others to this standard.  It's a human thing.  We see it every day in politics - people trying to force their views and limits on others. It's frustrating when you restrict yourself to things and others don't, especially if you're so convinced it's the right way to be. Holding others to your standard is dishonorable, and this is why this honorable existence is a lonely one.

I know you were all expecting a dick joke or two, but tonight I was deep in thought and sad, so this is what you got.

Ok, fine: 3 guys go camping in their new tent.
After a night's sleep, the guy sleeping on the left of the tent wakes up in a cold sweat and tells the others "I had the most horrible nightmare that somebody was trying to pull my dickoff!"
The guy sleeping on the right says "Weird! I had the exact same dream!"
The guy sleeping in the middle says "I had a dream that I was skiing..."

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